The rose by any other name has wilted...

The sad story of my romantic existence, is fading in the darkness. A match that burned bright with hope, now glows faintly before only ash and smoke remain to remind one of death as it is snuffed out. Such a small feeble attempt at what could be a last chance, a redeeming hope. It is now lost, for I can not turn back, and replace the hurt with joy. I see not how I could have kept him. Though I wish it upon all the stars in the sky that it might be otherwise. Knowing what I now know, knowing that by telling him all, I would kill him inside.

Laying awake at night, unable to sleep as old nightmares crossed my path, tempting my grip on sanity to loosen. Calling me out like a Sirens sweet tune, luring me into sweet temptation to end such suffering, to just drift into a state of uncaring to never wake. Never to have to hurt like this again. I've now come to a state of mind, where I am numb, not numb in the sence that if I am physically injured I would not feel, but in a state of mental numbness. I knew the day would come, but how does one ever fully prepare?

I've come to compare this past experience to a story of two star crossed lovers, who were destined to be torn apart. The twisted version of Romeo and Juliet. I stand here now watching my heart turn to ash as the last of the scarred pieces are burned, to float away with the gentle breeze of the cold night. Watching as I tear out more and more, killing all feeling, freezing my blood, only to have it gush seeping blood from the gigantic hole. My actions and fate brought this moment to pass hurting more and more of those I come in contact with.

I feel so lost. So unsure of what to do next, which road to take. I stand back and see the destruction I have reaped upon those I care most about, I know I need not burden them more. I need not use them as a crutch. I can not ask them to stay, and I can not keep them here with me. I ask myself now.

Do I take that vile of poison, to only end up condemning my soul to damnation?

p.s. for those who will worry. I am not suicidal. I only write what I feel, as I write. I mean it as a metaphor to discribe emptiness. So yeah no worries :]